BORIS

This week, Boris Johnson has suggested that Jamie Oliver’s campaign for sensible food is a bit of a bad idea. As you probably know, I have a little fondness for Jamie Oliver. Not sexually, I believe that would be akin to sleeping with your little brother. Oddly I did fancy him in the 90’s; but now he’s just a little too wholesome (I’m sure he’s gutted). I simply believe that he does care about the nations children, so that makes him nice (I’d probably vote for him). Boris Johnson however is a posh twit; in fact I would argue that it is his most positive attribute. I believe that Boris could give advice on how to make the perfect Champagne cocktail, or perhaps point me in the direction of a good cigar. However, he seems to think that he is qualified to give advice on children’s food. If I remember rightly, he once had an affair. So to be honest I’m not convinced that he should be giving advice on parenting issues at all.

Below I’ve outlined men who I believe are suitable to give advice on certain topics:

Richard Hammond - Crashing Jet Powered Cars
Gordon Brown - Finance
Robbie Coltrane - Acting
Jay-Z - Bum Shaking

Now I’ve outlined which topics these men are NOT suitable to give advice on:

Richard Hammond - Driving Jet Powered Cars
Gordon Brown - Hair Cuts
Robbie Coltrane - Dieting
Jay-Z - Campanology (I went to a pub quiz)

ALWAYS THINK, AM I SUITABLE FOR THIS?