Sweeping Statements

It’s been a very controversial week

2006-10-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

Madonna
To my generation Madonna is an icon, somebody we should all look up to. However, I’m a bit concerned she maybe leaning toward Michael Jackson territory. Like Jackson, she now seems to be under the impression that being rich and famous gives her the privilege to bypass law, and treat children as possessions.

I really don’t mind her adopting a child from Africa, it’s the way its being done. She must go through the proper channels, she must follow the law. It’s high-time that celebrities realise that all life’s problems cannot be solved with a cheque book.

Blunkett & Oaten
Sounds like a health food company, that’s because they’re both NUTS!

Judging by his diaries (Radio 4), Blunkett is a child who insists on battering anyone who as ever annoyed him. It really is time he grew up and stopped whining.

Mark Oaten is also a bit of a child, but prefers blatant lies to whining. Jenny Murray had the miss-fortune to interview Mark and his wife for Women’s hour. Guess what? He’s not really gay, and he still loves his wife! Oddly enough his wife seemed to be buying it. In fact, she argued that she would have been more annoyed if he’d had a “proper affair”, rather than the supposedly understandable gay sex. Also, he didn’t really want to lead the Liberal Democrats, he was pushed into it.

Recap:
He sleeps with rent boys as a hobby, and applied for the leader of the Party as a bit of a laugh.

Dog

2006-10-16T05:11:00.000-07:00

About an hour ago I had a meeting with my PHD supervisor; it was a lovely morning so I figured I’d walk to Uni. As I strolled through London with my favourite track (currently: “Steady as She goes” by The Raconteurs) blasting on my MP3 player / Phone thingy, I was pretty sure life couldn't get much better. Exactly two steps later, dog poo!!!

Later I shall do a post about Madonna. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow?

Doughnuts

2006-10-14T02:04:00.000-07:00

It’s been a bit mental, so I’ve been a bit lax on the postings. My sister and her husband came to visit us, which took up most of my free time (it felt like I was running a hotel). I did have a slight issue with my sister’s lifestyle; she drank huge amounts of booze and ate really silly amounts, but then complained about ill health! I did mention that perhaps eating a little less and drinking more water would be beneficial. Her reply was that she “has fluid retention, and that makes her put on weight”. During a 12 hour period she munched 12 doughnuts and 2 large meals (with pudding).
Fluid Retention?
Doughnut Retention more like! Family, what can you do?

In the Metro this week was an article about bollard cleaners earning £36,000.
(The link below is to the Telegraph, not a newspaper I read)

Bollard

I can confirm that street cleaners do not earn anywhere near that much; I have not ordered a diamond encrusted broom and my cart is not solid gold.

This link is hilarious (needs sound).

Panda

Telephone Trouble

2006-10-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

I generally start sweeping at around 6am, a time when London is just waking up. London can be fairly magical at this time, but it is ultimately empty of people. However on Saturday morning, I was lucky enough to see some Prostitutes at work. I know what you’re thinking, “she’s going to turn this into another sex blog”. Sorry, no plans to reveal my sex life just yet (although you’d be surprised how many knickers I sweep up). Anyway, these “ladies” were just placing their adverts in the phone boxes. Prostitution must be a competitive business, as they felt the need to throw the adverts for the competition on the floor. Imagine my surprise when I found myself most annoyed about the littering! Seemingly, Prostitutes have just become another aspect of London, but a litter bug Prostitute is wrong! So I waited until they walked around the corner, and I binned their adverts as well. Littering should never be tolerated!

Sorry, I didn’t take a photo of the cards. I thought somebody might think I was weird (perhaps I am)!

JACK

2006-10-06T13:33:00.000-07:00

When I began this blog I figured that it would be a sort of online diary with a few opinions thrown in. However, I’ve noticed so many idiots recently, I find it very difficult not to discuss them (perhaps I should rename the blog “Idiot of the week”).

No1 idiot on this occasion is Jack Straw. Mr Straw has decided to let women know what he thinks of their clothes. He has stated that he prefers Muslim women to remove the veil in his presence. I have no interest in wearing a veil, except on my wedding day (just in case my boyfriend is reading). But I do believe that a woman should be able to wear what she wants! Jack seems to think that the veil makes it very difficult for Muslims to integrate into society. Well I would prefer if men didn’t wear those small Trilby hats. However, I have never told a man to take one off in my presence. Jack is just another example of a man telling a woman how she should live her life. It’s time we respected everybody’s rights, not just white males.

HUMOUR
Thanks to everyone who made comments this week. Please accept this link as a thankyou (Everybody should see this).

http://www.babytoupee.com/

BORIS

2006-10-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

This week, Boris Johnson has suggested that Jamie Oliver’s campaign for sensible food is a bit of a bad idea. As you probably know, I have a little fondness for Jamie Oliver. Not sexually, I believe that would be akin to sleeping with your little brother. Oddly I did fancy him in the 90’s; but now he’s just a little too wholesome (I’m sure he’s gutted). I simply believe that he does care about the nations children, so that makes him nice (I’d probably vote for him). Boris Johnson however is a posh twit; in fact I would argue that it is his most positive attribute. I believe that Boris could give advice on how to make the perfect Champagne cocktail, or perhaps point me in the direction of a good cigar. However, he seems to think that he is qualified to give advice on children’s food. If I remember rightly, he once had an affair. So to be honest I’m not convinced that he should be giving advice on parenting issues at all.

Below I’ve outlined men who I believe are suitable to give advice on certain topics:

Richard Hammond - Crashing Jet Powered Cars
Gordon Brown - Finance
Robbie Coltrane - Acting
Jay-Z - Bum Shaking

Now I’ve outlined which topics these men are NOT suitable to give advice on:

Richard Hammond - Driving Jet Powered Cars
Gordon Brown - Hair Cuts
Robbie Coltrane - Dieting
Jay-Z - Campanology (I went to a pub quiz)

ALWAYS THINK, AM I SUITABLE FOR THIS?

Water

2006-10-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

As every woman knows, it is important to look after your body. I’m pretty sure that the sweeping gives me plenty of exercise, but I’m not sure if I’m drinking enough water. So I’ve decided to take a bottle of water along with me when I’m at work. However, it has struck me that the top of the bottle resembles a nipple (see above). I’m beginning to think that we are a nation of children! The water bottles nurse us, and I suppose an ipod whispers sweet lullabies into our ears. What does all this mean? Is it time we all grew up? Then again, I suppose I’m still at school.

On a lighter note….

This weekend Brazilians are voting for a new president. I wonder if they line up in a thin perfect strip?

Politics

2006-09-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

I’ve never been a massive fan of Tony Blair, but I do wonder what will happen to the country after he’s gone. Gordon Brown seems a little strict to me, I think he resembles a sort of Scottish podgy Hitler (without the moustache).

I can’t help but think that we should try another woman in charge. Hillary Clinton is doing remarkably well in the states and I think she could be the next President.

BLOODY HELL, WHAT IF CHERIE BLAIR GETS INTO POLITICS?

University & books

2006-09-26T03:33:00.000-07:00

I think winter has arrived; it’s really horrid outside (well it was this morning). Road sweeping is not the best job in this weather, you feel cold and nasty. Part of my round takes me passed a University; today I had to sweep up a book (see above) outside the halls of residence. I’d like to think that a student through the book out of a window as he or she was disgusted by the intellectual contents. However, it is more likely to have been dropped during an alcohol related incident. If you spend as much time as I do on campuses, you’d know how likely this is. As I was sweeping the book away, I realised that when I finally finish my PHD one of these students could be reading my work. I hope they treat it with more respect.

Humour in the next posting (promise).

Jeans & Matches

2006-09-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

I’ve been away from the blog for a couple of days, as I needed to get a report to my PHD supervisor (do I need an excuse?). Well what’s been going on? I’ve realised that wearing hipsters to work is a very very bad idea; being a road sweep you’re required to wear a sort-of bright purple cat-suit over your regular clothes. Usually I would wear old jeans underneath, but the only clean ones was a pair of Diesel hipsters. By the end of my shift I was barely wearing them! Women used to tease blokes about having a butt cleavage; well my butt cleavage was around the size of Dolly Partons chest.

Now to Richard Hammond. Why do men think that being able to nip down the shops in a Volvo qualifies them to drive a rocket powered death machine? If I’d been writing the papers the headline would have been: “Man plays with matches and gets burnt”.

Jamie Oliver

2006-09-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

Technically this blog is about my working life, but I’ve decided to add something about my home life. My boyfriend and I sat down last-night to watch the return of the crusading Jamie Oliver. I love what he’s doing for kids, but I always get the feeling he’s trying to make me start a family. After watching the show I get images of perfect mothers jumping in to bed with their husbands wearing Jamie Oliver masks (I’ve found one, see below); screaming “pregnant me Jamie, pregnant me”.

I’ve just turned 30, so I guess the clock is now ticking. However, the boyfriend will not be wearing the mask just yet

A little more about me

2006-09-18T00:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve only just started the job as a road sweep. I obviously don’t really see it as a career move; I’m actually doing it to save-up money for a deposit on a house (always the practical one). My real career is based around my PHD, the sweeping is just something I could do in my spare time. All the blokes I work with think I’m insane, they’ve never heard of a female road sweep. I think I’m fairly unique, so I figured I’d start a blog. My boyfriend is a little worried about me getting attacked, but I think London is fairly safe now (naïve?).

Here is a picture from my rounds.

All these bloody new papers are doin my nut!!! Although, “The London Paper” is quite good.

2006-09-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

I’m a female road sweep

This is my Blog.

This is the only picture I could find (I’ll try and sort-some-thing better out soon).

The blog will be about me and my bizarre choice for career.

I’m not entirely certain of how it works just yet. So don’t be surprised if nothing happens for a day or two.